I’m just like everyone else…….

Hello lovely people,

This is a blog post that is very honest. There are going to be people reading this, who may know me and think why in the hell would she write that out for the world to see. I don’t know is the answer and maybe you are right I am mad to share this. I probably am. It’s not about looking for sympathy or anyone to play me a violin. Everyone has insecurities and things that hold them back from the life the want to live, I’m just writing mine down.

I am my own biggest critic and I have a “you are not good enough” mantra in my head, always have. Why do I think like this I don’t know. I am always so genuinely shocked when people show that they like me. My gut reaction is “Really you actually like me?” or I question it to death to the point that I have convinced myself I’ve got it wrong they don’t like me.

I have the world’s most epic fear of failure that means unless I know I can do something 110% I’ll steer clear, just in case I might fail. That applies to everything in my life, relationships, work, activities, everything, fear holds me back.

When it comes to new people or people who are friends but not close friends, I question and tell myself “oh they probably don’t want me around”, “I’ll only be a bother to them”. Do they think this? I dunno maybe they do, the fact that I care is the problem. And to the ones who don’t think like that I’m apologising for all the uncomfortable moments my thoughts got the better of me. Please stick with me.

marilyn quote

Those who are close to me will know I have inherited my Dad’s excellent quick wit and a dash of my Mum’s epic sarcasm that means I deliver one liners without a second thought. The other day at work I used one such sarcastic line in a quick response, the other three ladies in the office were at the point of tears, and I was sitting like a fool thinking “God they really think I’m actually funny.”

I used to read blog posts from bloggers who said they suffer from anxieties and I would be reading it thinking “That must be terrible”.

It has literally only dawned on me that how I feel on an almost daily basis are anxieties too. I don’t do things I want to do for fear of what others will think or what others will say or that I will fail in doing them. Fear of not being good enough holds me back and has held me back from so much it’s ridiculous. The voice inside my own head telling me I’m not good enough is the loudest sound in the world.

I know there will be people who will read this and think, “She is just looking for attention!” I’m not!

There will also be the people who know me and who will go, “well that explains alot!”

There will be people who think “Who is she kidding she is out all the time.” Yes I am but remember social media creates the perfect picture of what you want to share. Unless of course you are like me and decide to write a blog post like this. Again I have no idea why I feel the need to share this. I do know I find writing therapeutic and that I like to know I’m not alone. Everybody has fears. I can’t be the only weirdo in the world who over thinks and over analyses.

There will be people who know me well and wonder who the hell I’m talking about because the person they know isn’t quiet at all, the person they know never shuts up lol. You have managed to knock down my walls and reveal the real me, the good the bad and the ugly. ❤

And there are my best friends who will know this story because they have listened to my over critical thoughts for years. And for that I thank you, I am lucky to have you and I love you more than any words could ever say. ❤

I still don’t understand why I have these fears or what I have to do to overcome them but I have them, just like everyone else…………

Lots of Love..

Laura

xxx

 

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Hello…..

Hey everybody,

Welcome to my first blog, eeek, well to say I am nervous would be an understatement, I have always wanted to start up a blog but stopped myself thinking what would I write about, who would read it, would any one want to read it, all the usual questions and doubts. But this last week after being back to work for the New Year, my resolution was to not let the little things stop me doing the things that I want to do. So here I am with my first blog post…. 🙂

A little about me, I am a girl in my 20’s who loves life, I am always on the go, I work on the east coast of Ireland during the week, I live on the west coast at the weekends. One of my loves is country music and most weekends that takes me anywhere….. I once rang my mum to tell her I would be going to Ennis for the evening to a dance, I told her I would be late home (home is Leitrim), you can imagine the reaction I got, at first she thought she had misheard me haha! When I am not doing that I am spending time with my family and my friends, literally the 2 most important things in my life.

Other than that I am a typical girl, who loves fashion,  (handbags are the absolute way to my heart, 49 and counting, I better make 50 a good one), beauty (which I will admit I was a late comer to) and like every typical girl anything sparkly and shiny. Music is another complete love of mine, I listen to every song going & my itunes consists of everything from Ed Sheeran to Meat Loaf, but my heart lies with Country music and in particular American country music. I am a big film nut, I love them, but very unlike a typical girl I love action films and thrillers (very excited for Taken 3 out today), not too crazy on the whole romantic chick flicks and well comedies are not on the first preference list. I am kinda a little nerd but only when it comes to reading all the latest celeb gossip, and magazines, I buy them all 😉

So there you have me in a nutshell, simple little introduction, I hope to do lots of these little blogs and hopefully you will like them, (if not apologies for clogging up your news feed lol )

Lots of Love

Laura x